ALL IN-A working mom's unapologetic quest for a juicy life
Below is an interview I did for my book, All In-A working mom's unapologetic quest for a juicy life. You can buy the book now on Amazon!
Interview Transcript:
Matt - I enjoyed your book. I'm not a mom, but so much of the book had me laughing and smiling. I thought it was a self-help book, but it was more than that. What was it like writing a book like this where you shared so many personal moments?
Carrie - Yeah. It was awesome. So many times, people will say, Oh, if you want to be a writer, you need a writing habit.
I had no writing habit. I did not write every day. I would just say, Okay, do I want to have something I want to get out today? Then I'd sit down and write for three hours.
Other times it was no, not now; I got too much going on. I’m just not feeling it today. It actually came out quite fast. It was birthed on Mother's Day last year. So, this book was not even remotely on my radar, even on this day, last year.
I wanted to write a very different book. And I had an ideation coach who pulled this out of me. And I was like, I don't think anybody wants to hear my story. Why would anyone want to listen to my story, you know, I'm just an ordinary person.
But then I just started thinking, sitting with it and thinking about it. And what I have learned is that when something really matters to me, it will actually get done. I can talk about something all day long. But if it doesn't really matter, I'm probably not going to bring it to fruition.
But with this one, I got a big long paper scroll. And I just started writing like a timeline on it. And then I started realizing there's some deep stuff here. But there's also some awesome, funny stuff here, too.
And so, as you read in the book, you read my journey, and this book was literally like the cherry on top of that journey. I'm just like bringing that part of my life to a close. It was very healing for me to relive all of that but on this side.
It was fun reliving some stuff and just going; look how far you came and what you accomplished. Because in 2017, everything, like shit, was just crazy. And your anxiety was through the roof and all the things you've learned and how you've grown with emotional intelligence, and just look at all this stuff you've done.
And let's get it out there. And so that's just kind of a conversation I was having with myself. And so it was; it came out very easy. I wrote the book in about four months, and again, not writing every day. So I had fun with that, actually.
Matt - It's almost as if it was ready to come out?
Carrie - Yeah, it kind of felt like that. And I was like, you know, I think I've got something here that I found myself. Whenever I go back and reread it, I love my book. It's so good. It's so good. It's so exciting. I loved reading my own story. There was the shit-talking, the self-talking, the inner critic... I was like, No, I actually want to have a drink with this person. I'm like, Oh, wait, it's me. How cool is that? So I had a lot of fun, reliving the ups and downs, the crazy joys, the sadness, all of that stuff that reinforced the hard work that I did and how I did go all-in on myself and where I am now as a result of it.
Matt - That could be the book's theme, you learn to love this person you've become, and you're like, Yeah, unapologetically me now. And the joy that you're experiencing now that you become that person.
Carrie - Without a doubt, the unapologetic part was important. This book went through so many different names. And how it started was just so many people's brains were going into that, like mind and the gutter with the original name I wanted to have, and I was like, okay, so I needed to change it.
But I knew I wanted juicy to be in there. And I knew I wanted unapologetic to be in there. Because when you read the book, I don't apologize for some of the disparate ways I needed to act. Sometimes, the decisions I needed to make for me had the unfortunate result of some other people getting upset or getting their feelings hurt.
It's like, I'm sorry for how you feel, but I'm not sorry for my decisions. I have to do this. So a big focus was on the cover. I wanted to send that message because people will read it, and they will laugh, they'll cry, they'll judge me, they'll support me, and they'll relate to me. It's like all the fields of up and downs that I went through. And that's why I just said unapologetically gotta be super vulnerable. This is what my life is, what you know, my story was. Hopefully, you can take something from it, learn, and go there with your own life.
Matt - So what is a juicy life?
Carrie - So it's about a little bit of background on why the juicy part, my son, Lucas, will come and throw his arms around me and put his nose and his mouth right here. And he just was like, Oh, Mommy is so juicy, you are so juicy, and he’ll kiss me.
And I realized that the happier I got, the juicier I got to him. And so his whole thing was, I've got a juicy mama, which is I've got a happy, silly, lively, goofy Mom. I'm the mom that puts my 10-year-old on my back, and I'm like, let's go, let's do this.
So you know, juicy life is all about having a pumped-up life. It's being more lively, more joyful, happier, and more clear. Just more greatness out of personal and professional, and so that's what juicy means.
Matt - It's definitely like a powerful word picture, juicy. It sticks in your brain. As you describe Lucas and that interaction with him... I’m less fun when I’m less available to my kids. When I’m not my whole self, I have no energy for them. So it's definitely connected to how well I'm doing and how I interact with them.
Carrie - That's the message I'm trying to convey to moms. You have to put your own mask on first. And so many moms are scared to do that. They feel guilty doing it. And so it's like, no, no, again, unapologetically, you got to take care of yourself, or you're not going to show up for everybody else, or you're just half-assing if you do show up.
Matt - In the book, you share a ton of relatable moments--you are dealing with moments of fear and stress, and there's pressure like you're leaving your corporate job to start Career Frame. You have a child with learning differences, and you're dealing with the loss and death... There are so many things in the book that are relatable. But I saw a shift in your relationship with fear and conflict changing as the book went on. Before, there were many crisis moments, but now you're at this place where you're starting to lean into fear, and you're embracing it. So talk to me about that change.
Carrie - Yeah, I have an awesome relationship with fear. Now, if it even shows up. It doesn't really show up anymore. I think it got super bored with me because I just wasn't going to give in to what the brain was thinking whenever fear would show up.
This one's always a hard one for me to answer because I worry that it just sounds so easy when I say it. Right? And because not everybody, not everybody has resilience. Not everybody has courage. Not everybody has drive.
Some people are just truly frozen because of childhood trauma, limiting beliefs, and everything that I talked about in the book. And for me, it was, you know, I had to go back to that corporate job to truly feel and understand that this was where I wanted to be.
Before, I just fiddled with it right… and so I chose to listen to my heart and my gut instead of the person who lives here that's not my friend. And so, really, just let my heart and my gut have the louder voice.
I tell people to name the voice in their head so you can tell it to go away and personify it. So you just be like, "No, sorry, you're not welcome here. I don't want you in my life" kind of thing.
So there was a lot of self-talk and good self-talk with me as far as my heart talking, my gut talking, and I told this head to Zip-it. There was a lot of intention. There's a ton of intention that I had.
I went on many walks, probably babbling to myself like a crazy person. You know, "Spring always follows winter, spring always follows winter. You can do this, we can do this, keep going, keep going".
And I really just had to trust along the way, you know, the strengths coach, there is a talent called connectedness. And it is a talent of being able to see that we are all human, we are all one. Sometimes things do happen for reasons. Sometimes there are coincidences it was meant to be. And I leaned into that spirituality, I guess, that spiritual belief that I had.
And now, other than that, of course, you read in the book the awesome quote, "Frustration means you're about to have a breakthrough" that one totally changed my perspective. So you would show up; it may be here to tap me on the shoulder because I'm about to have some breakthrough that I can't see coming right now.
And I'm a total control freak. So letting go and focusing on what I can control versus what I cannot control was also really important and helped me not let fear take the wheel. So it was a process. I mean, as you're going to read, it was like this way 2017 all the way to 2021.
It was definitely a process, and I hope the reader understands that things do not happen just like that. You have to consciously and actively practice with intention where you really want to go; otherwise, stop talking about it. I had to look myself in the mirror and say, "Stop talking about it if you're not going to do it." And so, a little bit of self-coaching and tough love with myself.
Matt - Do you find yourself proactively looking for those "pain" moments now? Because of the opportunity on the other side? Oh, there's some sort of discomfort here. What's going on? Is it a different mode of thinking now regarding how you view discomfort?
Carrie - Yeah, I don't necessarily. So, for example, at the beginning of this year, I mean, it was awesome. I learned a ton in 2020 with my business, and I'm learning totally different things this year with my business, and it's, you know, almost May 1.
But it was the beginning of the year. I had a lot of things that were just pissing me off. I was like, this person's disappointing me. This thing is disappointing me. I was just disappointed with five major things that contributed to moving my business, not so much the personal side.
And I did catch myself going, "Okay, wait a second. This is all by design. What if this is all by design? What if I am getting disappointed? Because something's not right." And maybe I need to stop and go, "Okay, so what is not right? Why do I think it's not right? And am I going to do something about it? If I'm not going to do something about it, then I don't get to say I'm disappointed anymore."
So it was again that tough loving myself like I tough love my clients. Yes, there is a lot of self-coaching. I wouldn't say I go looking for those. But I notice them now when they show up. And I stop and say, "Okay, wait, now I'm going to think about this totally differently." And it's helped that I've made some changes. One of the very disappointing situations led you and me and Leah back together, for example.
Matt - Music plays a massive role in your life. I smiled a lot with all the music references in your book. Michael Jackson and his passing was a catalyst for a huge change in your life, to sitting in a movie theater watching Frozen Two... just so many cool things. So tell me about the power of music in your life. And then how you use that with your coaching clients.
Carrie - Yeah. So my mom set that in motion from a very young age for me. We would dance in the living room to silly like Duran Duran and macho duck and stuff like that. She was big into music. She loved Motown. She loved Elton John. So just the classics, more the classics today, I should say.
She made sure that we were always listening and always dancing. And so that just was instilled in me at a young age. And so I've always loved music. I do the same thing with my kids. My kids know who Freddie Mercury, Elton John, and Michael Jackson are. They know all those people; they know their music.
Music is incredibly powerful because it will trigger some type of emotion and ignite it. So I like that. I think that that's great. I'll hear things, and I'll just get chills. I mean, there are some songs I cannot hear without crying. Sometimes happy to hear, sometimes like, oh, my gosh, this is so sad. Turn it off, turn it off.
I don't necessarily bring music into calls and meetings with my clients. I think it's more of a personal thing that I do when I have a large training for like 50 people virtually. When they come on, music is playing. I don't want people to come on, and there's just silence. You know, that's kind of awkward. So I will have, you know, Coldplay, or Let's Go by Calvin Harris, and do some of my like go-to's playing in the background.
It's almost like if we were in person, and you're walking into a conference hall, maybe there would be some music going to get people pumped up and energized. And that's the thing, too; it's what you read about all the Tony Robbin's stuff. It's like a rock concert, just with the energy from the music.
If there were one word I would use to describe myself, it's energetic. And so, I always want to radiate that and broadcast that to others. So I do that in my life. I do that with my kids. And I guess with my clients; it would just be that one example I gave you. As far as just coming on board, we're going to learn about some awesome stuff. I want you to feel energized as you're walking in the zoom.
Matt - I think music so often, it sets like a bookmark or, you know, something where you have something to go back to every time you hear that song. You think, "Oh, that reminds me of that thing that happened." I'm constantly jamming to music while working because I feed off the energy.
Carrie - I think it's an energy thing for me for sure.
Matt - You and your husband have a special relationship, which I enjoyed. You described in the book that there were a few moments when you had to move forward with stuff without his permission. Those huge decisions created some short-term conflict. But there were significant decisions that you had to make for yourself. So I would love to hear just the significance of knowing you have to move forward, even if I don't get his blessing. Talk about that. Because I'm intrigued by how important that is for the individual who is trying to grow or change their life... at some point, they probably have to make some decisions for themselves.
Carrie - So I am super blessed to have an incredible marriage. I have an amazing, outstanding marriage. There are not enough adjectives in the dictionary to describe how awesome my husband is.
That was a gift to me through this journey. Because I'm not naive to think that some marriages might not last if the woman did what I did. That's a bold statement, but that just speaks to the level of marriage and partnership that someone has or sadly doesn't have.
You know, with my husband, I made some pretty good points along the way, which is why I didn't ask for his permission. I'm like, "All I've done is invest in you, your startup, and the kids. It is my turn. Like it's my turn."
And an analytical person, when you present the examples, can't argue it. But as you read, we had some moments where it got a little ugly and uncomfortable with the "financial infidelity" that he accused me of.
I did try to depict his perspective in the book. He's incredibly introverted and private. And I'm about to put everything out there. So I read some of the book to him and asked, "Are you okay with this?” Because it's my story, but it's our story. Some of it is our story. And so I wanted not to write it and not let him see any of it. I wanted to make sure that he was okay with it.
And in some areas, he was like, "I wouldn't talk about this, but I know that you will. And I'm okay with it.” So we did have some conversation around it. But I got to the point where I was so frustrated. I'm so tired of it being all about you and the kids. Why am I always the last one? It's my turn. I just put my foot down.
Matt - Well, reading about your husband made him seem like a guy that I would love to hang out with because he does seem like an awesome human being. But I imagine you stepping into big things that you knew was putting tension between you and him; it caused you to have to back things up with action. I'm saying this is going to change my life. Now I better like follow through.
Carrie - Like hold my beer. Yeah. Yeah. And that's the thing, too, I am very much about action. I won't coach somebody if they're not serious about showing up. I just lose my patience. I lose interest. Because it's like, again, we can all do this. But if you're not doing something about it, you're just spinning out of control.
And so yeah, he did. Of course, on this side of the journey, he's like, "You were right. I can't argue. You have become this better person, this more calm person.” I can talk about money now without having my shoulders up to my ears and freaking out. I've had this awesome success that he's in awe of, which is great to have his full support. And he says, "My wife's a badass." And so he's very proud of that, announcing it to anyone that'll listen.
But yeah, I mean, you do have to, if you're going to say you're going to do it, especially when you tell your partner that you're doing it, and they don't understand it, you have to keep going. And you've got to put one step in front of the other a lot of times. I think we've all probably, at one point or another, had this happen, unfortunately, but a lot of times when we want to change, people around us resist it because they're like, "No, I like you just how you are. If you change, we might not be close anymore, or we might not be friends anymore, or we might not connect anymore."
And so you'll get a lot of pushback from people around you because they don't understand why you want to do what you need to do. Again, it’s why I did the word unapologetic in the subtitle. It's because you don't have to understand. You’re not me - you don't have to understand why I'm doing what I'm doing. I'm doing this for me. I'd love for you to still be there. And you know, I guess there's a stubbornness to it. I guess I could say stubbornness for sure.
Matt - You became a children's book author, which is really cool. To hear that story, how you were like, "Oh, I'm gonna write this book." But it almost seemed like it wasn't necessarily in your plans. It just kind of happened. You had this inspiration, and you jumped at it. I have a feeling, and correct me if I'm wrong, but that might not have been you in 2016. You might not have done something like that. But after going through your journey of change, you jumped at it. Is that true? Like at a whim, and you dove in?
Carrie - What's interesting is the conversation with the librarian was in December of 2018. And it was probably like a week after I had met Molly. And I knew that something was going to happen, I guess, as far as getting working with a coach. But to be honest, like when I thought about it, when I came home, I wrote up a little story.
There was a lot of thinking this would just sound super cool if I were a children's book author. There are all kinds of things that just sound cool, right? But then you got to actually bring it to fruition.
So it's like what I was saying is something I learned through that project, that labor of love if something really matters to me, it will get done. This helps me look back on all of the other 12 books I said I would write with like 15 different titles that I never wrote. Those obviously were not important enough.
But the children's book mattered because it was focused on my son's greatest love of fans, and it was unique for him, and it would help him read and all these other things. And so it mattered as I was going through my journey, and 2019 was when I was putting that book together with all the moving parts. Writing it literally took 15 minutes, and it was finding a publisher and an editor and a printer and all of those things.
And then it showed up in January of 2020, thankfully, because it came from China, because if it had been a couple of months later, what would have happened to those books? But I think that going through what I went through might have contributed to just keeping it going with the book. But I do think it was more just because it mattered for me because it was going to matter for my son.
Matt - What spoke to me, the whole juicy life theme, was so many people, and I think about myself, I imagine other people too, they have a lot of big, cool ideas. But they come up with a whole list of reasons they probably couldn't do it. And you just dove in, and you're just like, I need an illustrator. I need this. I need that. And you made it happen. And it is cool to say that I wrote a children's book and talked about fans. And here's why it's about fans, my son's awesome. And so it was just a really cool part of the book to see you just step past all the excuses that someone might make and create something that brings value to the world.
Carrie - Yeah, yeah, I think that I have an inner drive. I don't know where it comes from. I was raised by a village with three stepmoms, my mom, two dads, and my stepdad's wife, my Modern Family. Yeah, my aunt and uncle, and just learning from all of them.
And just being curious - watching and observing, and learning what I did not want to do. My awesome sister taught me a lot of what I did not want to do by watching mistakes as an older sister. But yeah, I mean, there is a drive in me, there's an energy in me that just wants to do certain things. And the older I get, especially after going through this journey, I'm super quick just to go, "Actually, no, I don't want to do that." And I move on to something else versus what maybe I should, perhaps I shouldn't, but perhaps I should... just the flip-flopping now. There's now more intention behind all the decisions I make.
Matt - Well, let's wrap up with this. I'm going to read just your last paragraph of the book. And I'll allow you to comment on it. And then we'll wrap up. So you end the book with this, you say…
"We all must stop trying to control the outcome of everything. We can only ever hope to control ourselves. We must take care of ourselves before we can serve others. So put your own oxygen mask on first. Tony Robbins says, 'Life will pay you whatever price you ask of it.' Aim high and ask for it all. Go all in. Make your life livelier and fuller. Make it unapologetically juicy."
Anything you want to say to add to that?
Carrie - Period. Exclamation point! Mic drop. All of that.
Matt - Well, I love the book. It was a great listen for me. And I'm excited to see the impact it makes in other people's lives.
Carrie - Well, if it impacted a guy, think of how it'll impact a working mom.
Matt - So if any working moms watch this clip, I would say that share the book with their husbands because I think hearing the perspective of potentially what my wife is going through in life and feeling like she doesn't have permission to put herself first, there's just a lot of nuggets in there that I think would be valuable for partners of your high capacity moms. You're doing some really cool shit.
Carrie - Yeah, that's a great point. Because when I was reading it to Andres, I was like his personal audible. There were a couple of times where he's like, "I didn't know that. I didn't know that happened. I didn't know you felt that way. I didn't know you went through that.” And I'm like, yeah, so it was very enlightening to him to just get inside my head of how I felt through all of it. So yeah, I think it would be good for husbands and partners just to stop and listen to the perspective of their working mom partner. So thanks for that.
Juice up your life and Buy The Book Today!
First off—I’m honored that you took the time to read through this interview. This book was personal to me, but more than that, I hope it becomes a catalyst for you to put yourself first. No, it’s not selfish. In fact, it’s how you end up showing up fully to those you love the most. They will thank you for buying the book!